Picking Up Records…Like A Boss

Yesterday I had to go to the hospital to pick up a CD of my recent CT scan to bring to Houston. I parked and went in the main entrance.  Many people were being discharged and in wheelchairs and in general, people looked sick. I chuckled to myself thinking “nobody would think I’m the patient”. I must have been feeling good about how I looked. Maybe because I love the shirt I was wearing and had on heels. I was feeling confident about something, just not sure what.

The feeling of not belonging in a hospital was like a frying pan in the face. It was crazy. I seriously thought that maybe I should wear something that said “I have cancer.”  I needed to prove I belonged there. Funny I’m thinking that anyone noticed or even cared. It made me smile to myself several times. As I randomly gave it thought throughout the day thought that hopefully, this is another way to show cancer that it doesn’t have me.

Cancer will have its turn after my surgery. I will look sick, I won’t feel well but it will be temporary. My scar will be my sign that says “I have cancer” but I will wear that like a medal. I will wear it proudly as I did my marathon medal.  I worked hard fighting to earn both. Interestingly they are both around my neck.

Half Marathon Goal

Speaking of medals, I have signed up to run the Disney half marathon in January.  It will be good to have a goal after surgery to push towards. 

I Own My cancer, It Doesn’t Own Me

Another thing I have been thinking about is what I call my cancer. When I talk to people I have been saying “my cancer is back”. Or is “the cancer is back” better? I like saying “my”. I think maybe it makes me feel like I have ownership over it. It doesn’t have ownership over me.  Today my neck hurts. It’s random when the lymph nodes actually hurt. Today some do. Fortunately, Advil seems to help. 

Kids and cancer, Touching Moments 

I had a few touching moments with the boys this week relative to my cancer. Firstly, On the second day of school, Ethan told me that he prayed for me at school during their daily prayer time. He said a few of his friends did too. How sweet is that to have 9-year-old boys praying for you?

the second time was at dinner. As many of you know, Matthew wears two Power Balance bands, braided bracelets from our cruise, and other things on his wrists. He is wearing a yellow Livestrong band only right now. I asked him why he was wearing that. He pointed at me and said for you. From a 13-year-old, I thought those two words said so much.

We are at the beach today. Hurricane Irene has passed through but it is still a little overcast and breezy. We are going to ride bikes and get breakfast somewhere. I love New Smyrna Beach. It’s honestly my most favorite place in the world. It is so peaceful and easy here.

Enjoy the day.