Training For The Disney Half

Today I ran with my TNT Team. My plan was to run 8 miles. I’m focused on training now for the Disney half marathon. I should have been focused weeks ago but there was so much uncertainty about what I would be able to do during and after chemo treatments. I think I have a better handle on how I’ll feel after my treatments.  Last week I ran almost 6 miles for my “long run” so I wanted to add 2 miles this week. I was so unsure if I could do it. I knew I could do 6 miles because I just did it last week. But 8?  Yikes.

On the ride to meet the group, I mentally reasoned with myself about the length of the run. I could stop if I had to. Why would I have to? The only reason would have been because my mind stopped me.

Believe

The Deb’s brought a bracelet band back from DC that says “BELIEVE” in giant letters. After running the 6 miles there was a decision point, turn around and run back on flat ground or go forward and go over the bridge one more time. I knew I had to do the bridge again. It wasn’t easy. I walked up some of it but loved the downhill. I had been thinking about writing and on the uphill, I could see the BELIEVE on the bracelet so clearly. I had to believe that I could do this. 8 miles is completely possible. It made me smile.

After going over the bridge and on my way back I met some other friends at the windy top of the bridge. We stopped to chat as I was leaving and they still had another hour of training. A woman I don’t know well told me a story about her friend who is also in a clinical trial. After one of the treatments, the friend decided she didn’t want to do it anymore. I get that. After talking with her friend who shared my story, she decided to go back for another treatment. I’m proud of her for doing so. It’s easy to say I can’t, I won’t, I don’t want to do it.

I Can And I Will

And truthfully, who wants to? Nobody. But it’s more important to let your mind be strong and say I can, I will, I’m in charge. Believe in yourself in everything you do and you will be successful. It’s not just cancer. Believe.

Dreading Going Back Again

As I get ready to go back for round 3 I’m starting to feel anxious to go, yet feeling like there is so much to get done here. As a mom and the one who historically handles the household happenings, my list is growing. Not only laundry but getting myself ready. Charging up the Nook, getting medicines together, and yes, laundry. I need to feel organized and feel like the house is organized before I go.

Control

I’m sure if there is a Psychiatrist reading this I will be pegged as a control freak. Guilty. I think control is more important when you have something in your life you cannot control. Psych 101. I may get texts and emails that encourage me to let things go. I promise you I have.