People are talking more about resiliency lately. It’s not a new concept but it’s definitely something people are acknowledging and knowing the need to be right now. Resilience is defined as “ability of a person to adjust or recover readily from illness, adversity, major life changes”. Interesting that the definition I found online specifically said illness. Resiliency is something we need in all aspects of our everyday life, not just the major ones but maybe resiliency is the word for the “big” ones.

 

I listened to a podcast posted by a friend whom I know because of cancer. My friend Lisa was a guest on “Resiliency Theory” with Ashley Carson and her comments struck so many chords with me that I was jotting down notes as I was driving down the highway.  I know, not a good idea but my brain was racing as I was listening.

 

What Does Resiliency Look Like?

As Lisa talked, I visualized what resiliency looks like to me. What I saw looked like the obstacle wall that you think of that you see used for military training. The image for me wasn’t the wall or the getting knocked down, the image I saw was the person on their butt on the ground getting up, brushing the dirt off their hands and heading up the wall again, and again, and again. The person I saw wasn’t screaming or crying or mad, they just kept getting up.  That’s not to say that there aren’t tears and anger when being resilient but the person I saw exhibited acceptance of their situation and that was what they needed to do – keep going.

 

Is Resiliency Innate?

Lisa was asked if she thought resiliency was innate. I think it has to be on some level. Per the definition above, resiliency is a person’s ability to recover readily from a big life event. There are people who are intrinsically programmed to get back up when they are knocked down. That’s not something everyone has.

 

Something I’ve thought about often when talking to people about cancer is how can you, or can you even, teach someone to have a positive attitude? Like resiliency, I don’t know that you teach that. I think that’s a learned behavior. Just because I share ways that I stay positive or keep my mind strong, it doesn’t mean that another person can be taught how to do that.  I believe their desire to be taught is innate. If they don’t want to hear the message or lesson, they certainly won’t learn. With anything in life, if we want it to change, we will make time, not excuses.

 

Letting Go

During the podcast Lisa remarks about how letting go has helped her be more resilient.  She can’t outrun her cancer diagnosis.  She isn’t spending her valuable energy trying to do so. When her cancer recurred, she chose to find ways to help. For Lisa, some of the tools she used were acupuncture and therapy. Those things work for her. For me exercise, laughter, and definitely therapy. For others, it may be knowledge or lifestyle changes. We all need to find the key to help us accept to be resilient.

 

Letting go doesn’t mean, lay down and accept defeat. Letting go means accept what you are facing. Simple as that. When I called Barb in the fetal position in my closet when I found some new lymph nodes in my neck that lead to my second recurrence she said – “Linda, this is your life. Whatever it is, we will deal with it.” It was the best reality slap I’ve ever received, and it was her acceptance of the situation that helped me let go and move forward.

 

Accepting Chemo

When someone is diagnosed, and I offer to talk with them about some things that have helped me during treatment one thing I tell them is to not fight the treatment. The chemo is tough, even grueling, but fighting it isn’t going to make it better.  I tell people to soak it in. Their body is getting a rest and the chemo will take over the fight so that their body can rest for a bit.  Welcome the poison and visualize it doing its job. Your mind and body need to be in sync. You can’t ask your body to take in something while your brain is fighting the idea of the chemo.

 

Resilient is something I imagine we all hope to be when faced with a situation. Resiliency is kind of a chicken and egg thing – yes, we want to be resilient, but who really wants to have to have a reason to be resilient?

 

I encourage you to listen to the interview with Lisa about her resiliency which can be found here.