I’m Mad At Myself For Quitting

Not a good run this morning for more than one reason. First, I started later than I wanted to and things fell apart from there. After about 3.5 miles I decided I would walk for another 2 and call it a day. I totally quit and I’m mad and annoyed by it. Is wallking running for 3.5 miles and walking for 2 really quitting?

The whole time I was walking I thought about quitting. There are many things I want to “quit” right now. I even considered quitting running altogether. Dramatic, I know. I will run tomorrow to make sure I don’t quit that even as much as I want to today.

Thoughts going through my mind were:

• If I quit running today how am I going to be ready to run a half marathon January 6?
• What’s the worst that happens? I walk?
• Who will say anything to me about quitting today. It’s been 9 days since I had chemo and I gave up instead of running 10 miles?

Right, who would give me a hard time about that? I want you all to. Push me, don’t let me off easy. I want to be a runner and I am not a good one lately – at all. Just logging miles, not many and not any sort of work outs and I figured out today that I need that. Mentally and physically.

I Want To Quit cancer

The definition of quit is “to stop, cease, or discontinue” I want to stop, cease AND discontinue cancer. To be clear, I want to quit cancer, not treatment or fighting, just cancer.  I want to be done. How do you quit something you can’t quit? It’s so frustrating. The ony thing I can come up with is to change the way I’m thinking about this.  I haven’t gotten there yet, but I will.

Again With The Port

Lots on my mind this week which I don’t like either. This week I will research and schedule a port. I would like to do it the week after Christmas. Sounds reasonable, right? Hopefully, everyone else thinks so and the Dr is available to do it on my schedule. I’ll be annoyed if it doesn’t work my way. Nice little tantrum I’m having this morning. Attractive isn’t it?

I’m at the beach which is one of my most favorite places ever. After I got back from run/walking, I went down to the dock to see if my “friends” (the dolphin) were out. Just one. Beautiful. The tide is so high this time of year and the fish were plentiful. The birds, big and small, were dive bombing like crazy which is so cool. I guess some days are easier to do the work than others.