Why Saying Normal Is Lying

I have been lying to everyone. Including myself. When the Thursday after chemo comes and I say “I’m back to normal” it’s not true. I guess it’s simply that physically I feel back to normal. However, normal would be cancer-free.

Each day I am well aware of my cancer and that it is still in my body. My thoughts are filled with whether or not 6 will be it and if not how many, and when I have to go back to Houston. The reminders from the airline and hotel that my trip is right around the corner make my stomach sick, literally.

Learning To Put Me First Isn’t Normal

My life has changed since cancer arrived. I have always focused on other people but that is no longer the case. I am doing my best to be as strong as I can be mentally and physically and it takes everything I have. Small decisions are tiring for me. Being in crowds is tiring for me. Chit chat is tiring for me. I don’t know if it’s because there is so much on my mind already on a day to day basis trying to stay positive and focused, but I do get worn out from things easily.  It’s interesting to me to put myself first. Even with the boys. I have missed some of their games for various reasons which isn’t like me. I don’t volunteer at their school, which isn’t like me and it sucks. Plain and simple. Writing this tires me but I was thinking about it and thought it was a perspective I wanted to share about cancer.

Running Is Scarier Than Skydiving At This Point

I am getting ready to run/walk the Disney half marathon this weekend. I’m more nervous about that than jumping out of a plane because I’m not sure I’ve trained enough and am “ready”. I will write about it after I’m done.