I have been reminded in the past few days that I fought hard over the past year. Also, I have thought about how hard the fight was.  As my boys go back to school I am reminded of where I was and what I was doing a year ago.  I clearly remember Meet Your Teacher Day and telling people that my cancer was back. The effects it had on me are clear but my cancer effected others in ways I didn’t realize.

Looking back over the past year I have been to Houston over a dozen times and have had eight rounds of chemo. Eight rounds of tough chemo! Chemo that brought me to the point that I couldn’t walk in the airport to get home. Chemo that forced me to stay in bed for at least three days after my treatment. The same chemo that forced me to take handfuls of medicine to prevent throwing up.  Chemo that still makes my brain foggy.  

The Impact On Others

Two people have told me recently that they think about my fight.  One friend told me that she thinks of me every time she runs. Another friend said she thinks about my fight often. I didn’t realize that people still think about my cancer and that it had such an effect on them.  

My Sons Still Live With The Pain

Not only have friends told me they think about my fight but it has come up with my children. Matthew was asked to write a 5 paragraph paper about a life changing event. He chose to write about his brother being born. He was asking me questions and I told him that I couldn’t relate as I don’t have a younger sibling. My cancer came up and he said that he couldn’t write about it. It was too “challenging”. Not challenging because he was being lazy but challenging emotionally. That hit deep. I had no idea. We talked and we will talk more.

After that conversation, I realized that I should check in with Ethan about it. He said that he wouldn’t be able to write about it either. I asked why. He said, “because of all of the stuff we went through last year”. Specifically, he said that they “didn’t really spend Christmas” with me. Another yikes. More talking will take place. I guess we all have and continue to push away the tough feelings.