Does having a scan ever get easier, even if it’s routine?  By easier, I mean less anxiety surrounding the potential outcome.  I don’t think so. For those of us with cancer, scans (CT, PET, MRI) are part of our reality.  If you’re reading this and haven’t had a scan yet or someone you know is facing one, every patient is different and while I’m not a physician I can share my experience.

Over the past 10 years that cancer has been part of my life I’ve had more scans than I can count.  As I mapped out the thoughts around this post, I tried to calculate how many scans I have had. I don’t know the actual number, but I can tell you it’s double digits and it’s more than 25 and probably closer to 50.

So do they get easier? As I approach a regularly scheduled scan that happens every three months my answer would be yes, and no. I wrote about it as a guest blogger for MD Anderson in 2013 and I’m still talking about it so that says something.

They do get easier from the standpoint that I know what to expect. I know what flavors I prefer of barium, the “delicious”, chalky oral contrast I’ll be asked to drink prior to the scan. I won’t be surprised to get an iv or and that the scan really doesn’t take a lot of time. The familiarity of the feeling of the iv contrast during the scan is no longer alarming because I know the warm feeling you get in different areas of your body is normal and that I didn’t wet my pants, it just feels like it. So yes, the process is easier knowing what to expect.

 

Scanxiety Is Real

However, a scan is never easy. There is a specific term for the uneasiness that accompanies a scan. It’s called scanxiety and it’s real. Even for a person whose glass is half full or even overflowing, it’s stressful. Scans are how you know if your cancer is back. At least four of the numerous scans I have had have resulted in not-so-great news.

 

Easing The Anxiety Associated With A Scan

It doesn’t take long to realize that there is no magic pill that will help. Working through the anxiety is just that, work. Recognizing the stress is a big piece of it for me. Once I realize why my fuse is a little shorter or the tears come unexpectedly seems to help me feel more in control of the stress.

 

I physically feel stress in my pelvic area on the left side. When I feel that “discomfort” I know I need to work through the stress. It’s such an internal mind game. There are lines that I say to myself to talk myself down. Things like “you know the feeling is stress, not cancer”, “no negative thoughts”, “you didn’t feel it when you weren’t thinking about it” and so on and so on. As I said, it’s work.

 

Exercise has long been an outlet that makes me feel mentally strong. Not only do the endorphins associated with exercise help the stress but knowing my body is strong helps me feel stronger mentally. Exercise gives me another arsenal of narrative for the self-talk I mentioned.

 

Manifesting

I believe in the power of manifesting. Seeing it, feeling it, and making it real in my brain helps me think positively. Letting the negativity in is letting the cancer win. Never the goal.

However, there’s always a little whisper that says, “you need to be prepared for bad news”. That is so contradictory to manifesting but I’ve been blindsided more than once. The little whisper might be my defense mechanism. Maybe a thin suit of armor to protect me from what I’ve experienced in the past. Pray for the best and prepare for the worst. Maybe? The reality is that it’s there. Every. Single. Time.

 

Silver Linings…Work With Me Here

As a glass half full person I can find the good in most situations. The silver linings in this situation are real. Although scans bring anxiety, I’m happy to be scanned every three months. Yes, happy. I like the idea of regularly knowing that my cancer is stable. The silver lining of regular scans means that if my cancer decides to take up residence in other areas I will know. It means that every three months I know my cancer is stable. Peace of mind is invaluable to a cancer patient.

 

As I approach a scheduled scan, I’m manifesting the news that I want to, and expect to hear. Stable disease, no change since the last scan. The feeling of relief and ability to fully exhale for another 2 ½ months until the next scan is what I’m looking forward to this week.

 

Share But Ask, Don’t Tell.

If someone you know is getting ready to have a scan, know that they are stressed which seems like a given.  Know that there is a good chance they haven’t worked through how to handle the stress they are feeling. I’m not a fan of telling a patient what to do or how to feel so don’t send them this post and say, “you should do this”. Maybe tell them you read something a patient wrote about scanxiety that could be a resource.  Ask, don’t tell them, if they would like to read it too.

 

If you’re the patient facing the scan, find ways that work for you to help with the stress of what you are feeling. Take a deep breath and know that you’re not alone. Know that you are the boss of your cancer and while the stress may be normal you can work through it.

 

If this is your introduction to yo cancer and you would like more information about Linda’s journey you can start at the beginning by clicking here.