It’s been a long and wonderful week. Barbara and I arrived in Houston on Tuesday. Headstands were on our agenda.

 

Belief In Research

We went to MD Anderson to present the check from ME STRONG for cancer research.

 

I was really thinking that I was not going to have chemo this week. After meeting with the research nurse it was a bit of a reality check and I realized that I might be having chemo this week. So much back and forth. After we left the hospital we went to lunch and back to the hotel to relax. I had to be at the hospital at 6:30 Wednesday morning so early to bed and get the process started.

The rodeo is huge in Houston and was in town. There were far too many cowboys to count. Our hotel was full and there were several young cowboys who were there to show their livestock. It was cute to see them.

 

The PET and CT Scans

We arrived for the PET scan at 6:30 on Wednesday morning. I have never had one so wasn’t sure what to expect. I’ll explain the process here so you get a feel for what happens. They start an iv and inject you with radioactive glucose. The glucose is in a metal container because it’s radioactive. That’s an interesting thought because the glucose has to be in metal to protect people who handle it however it’s injected directly into your veins.  You have to sit fairly still for an hour for the glucose to go where it needs to. I wasn’t allowed to be on my phone or read.  They don’t want your brain to have any activity.

After waiting an hour for the glucose to do its thing is the actual scan. It’s not invasive or painful. It’s just like a CT scan. Once that was done I was allowed to have a bite to eat before the CT scan. I have described the CT scan in another post but I had to start drinking my delicious mochaccino barium drink, they flushed my iv and had to take some blood to make sure my liver could handle the CT scan.

 

This Isn’t A Club You Want To Belong To

While waiting for that to happen I was called and sat next to a young woman (37 years old). She was at MD Anderson for her 6 month follow up appointment. She had chest cancer (not breast, but on her chest wall) and was feeling very anxious. We chatted for a bit about being young and having cancer and how it’s different to walk around with all of the older people in the waiting rooms and truly feel like you don’t belong. Waiting for our scans in the back we continued to talk for a while we were both dressed in our scrubs.

It seemed normal to become Facebook friends as we share something that not everyone can share. Being a young mother with cancer isn’t a group you want to be in, but nice that there are others who can relate to your situation.

 

Hopefully My Last Trip To Audiology

After the CT it was off to have blood drawn and then to audiology for another check. I have 3 bruises on my arms from all of the needle sticks this trip. That’s random information that has nothing to do with audiology! I have had my ears checked every 6 weeks. Apparently the Cisplatin (one of the chemo drugs) has the potential to cause hearing damage. I had a new Audiologist this time. There is no change in my hearing from the beginning of this process to now. The Audiologist said that is truly incredible. Not normal at all.

So I left the hospital knowing that I had done everything I could do and I had to wait to see the Dr in the morning. We went to lunch and then back to the hotel to rest again. That night we watched American Idol and went to bed early. Thursday was going to be a big day and we were ready for it.

 

The Day Is Finally Here

Thursday morning I walked over to get my tea at Starbucks. I had a nice start to the day. We decided that we would go for a run. I was thinking that I ran one of the first times I was in Houston and it was a nice way to tell cancer what I thought about it, again. You can’t stop me. I will still run. I am not a strong runner right now, but it felt great to be out there.

Then we showered and off to see Dr. Westin. Barbara and I were both so nervous. After weighing me (yikes) and taking my vitals they put us in a room to wait for the research nurse and Dr.Westin. It seemed like the wait took forever. We were both so nervous. Did I mention we were nervous? Barbara was sweating and I was ready to get sick. The first time I sat on that lovely table I remember that I was equally as nervous. I remembered it so clearly as I sat there again even though I sat there every 3 weeks for the past 24 weeks. When I was there the first time I laid down and prayed. It calmed me the first time so I did the same this time. I prayed different prayers but they felt good and I felt a sense of calm.

 

The Best Two Words I Could Hear

The nurse practitioner and research nurse came in. They had the results of the scan. They said, “it’s gone”. I am crying as I write that. It still hasn’t sunken in. In the next breath they said, but we sometimes recommend 2 more cycles just to be sure. That’s when the tears came.

I didn’t want to do more. They said it was up to me. We talked through the reasoning and how I was feeling. I asked if I could come back in a week and do it so I wouldn’t miss spring break with Ethan. Yes, that was an option. Chemo was scheduled for the afternoon so I was thinking that I would like to leave and think about it over lunch before I gave them my answer. Barbara asked them to leave so we could talk privately before Dr. Westin came in. I’m still laughing about the look on their faces when she said “Can I talk to her for a minute?”  They said “yes” and didn’t leave for a moment. Then they said “do, you want us to leave?”  Um, yes, please.

 

Miracles Can Happen

They came back in and Dr Westin came with them. She said my results have been a miracle. They don’t see results like this for my type of cancer very often. I never allowed myself to fully process the magnitude of my diagnosis but it was obviously significant.

We talked through having two more rounds of chemo. I told her I didn’t want more and she said that was absolutely reasonable. She said the only reason I should have more is if I will regret not having 2 more if it comes back. I told her that I believe if it is going to come back, it’s going to come back. She said she agrees completely. The past two rounds I had were essentially the insurance policy she was suggesting now. The tumor was so small the last scan that they wouldn’t do anything to treat it so rounds 7 and 8 were the extra two rounds.

I called Sean and my parents. Sean was with Ethan in Tallahassee. Sean said Ethan cried which was the sweetest ever. It makes me cry to think about the weight this has been for them. Sean called the school to get Matthew out of class to tell him. Matthew called me with all of his friends in the hall with him.

 

More Headstands Than I Imagined

As most of you know, if I got good news Barbara and I were going to post a picture of us doing a headstand in the lobby. We posted this one on Facebook and the excitement was overwhelming. Everyone started posting their headstands. It was really fun to see all of the posts.

We went to lunch at one of our favorite places, Hotel Zaza, and started to celebrate. We decided to do a headstand at the hotel we went to for lunch. They had a gold bull out front that we thought would make a nice background. It wasn’t easy on the cement. As you can see from the picture Barbara was successful, I was not.

Next, we went down the street to a church. Palmer Episcopal. It was a pretty church. We went in and gave thanks for all of the answered prayers. I truly feel blessed.

Back to the hotel to do headstands in the lobby. Again, Barb was successful, I was not. Those cement floors are hard!! Barbara told everyone we encountered throughout the day that I was cancer free. People were sweet.

 

The Rodeo Is In Town So When In Rome…

That night we went to the rodeo and to see Jason Aldean in concert. I had never been to a rodeo and man was it fun. It’s exactly what you think it will be. Cowboys everywhere. We shared a cab with a young couple who had extra tickets that they gave to us after hearing why we were celebrating. At the end of the night we had to take a cab back to the hotel. We were having so much fun and the cab driver was great. We were stuck in traffic and Barb jumped out and hopped in the front seat. This will always be one of my favorite pictures of her.

 

 

I Didn’t Expect To be Sad To Leave

Friday we got up and headed to the airport. It was bittersweet. Houston has been good to me. I have enjoyed some of the times I have had there. I know that sounds strange but Houston is a part of my life now. I am thankful for MD Anderson and everything it has provided for me.

It was strange to be able to carry my own bag, not have to be in a wheelchair and feel ok on a Friday leaving Houston. There were things that Barb and I did differently this time. We didn’t discuss it but we were both doing things in anticipation of good news. I usually give the keys to Barbara on Tuesday at the airport because she will have to drive home. This time I kept them, she didn’t ask for them. When we went to the Dr on Thursday we didn’t take the laptop. We didn’t discuss it but just didn’t take it in hopes that we wouldn’t need it. I didn’t dress in Nike workout clothes that I normally wear for chemo. There were all kinds of things we didn’t do this time. It was all deliberate but we were both secretly confident.

When we got off the plane in Orlando it was interesting for me. I don’t remember the past trips being wheeled through a certain part of the airport, this time I could feel myself in the airport. This time I could get my bag and head to the car, to drive!

 

Home Sweet Home

When we got home my dad was here with Ethan. Ethan was in the driveway and was jumping up and down. I loved it. He gave me a huge hug, it was the best. Matthew is in the Keys and will be back later in the week.

I have to go back in 6 weeks to be checked. They suggest 3 months, but I said that was too long. I wanted to go back sooner so 6 weeks it is. Someone asked if I would worry for the next 6 weeks about that the cancer is back. I will not worry. Obviously I don’t want it to come back. At all, but I will not give it energy by worrying about it. I will think about it I’m sure. I am still not fully comprehending that I don’t have cancer anymore. Two days ago I had cancer and now I don’t. Life has changed for me.