It’s almost been a week since I got the news that the cancer is gone. I’ve had a good week but it has been a lot to process. I mentioned in my last blog entry that it’s strange to have cancer one day and not the next. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great feeling.
A Whole New Kind Of Tired
I have been very tired for the past week. I think my body is on vacation. Normally I would have been in bed for this whole week but I have been able to be active and normal-ish. Maybe my body was so in tune to the 3-week cycle and now is trying to get that third week of rest.
I’ve Been Released From cancer Prison
While driving yesterday I was thinking about how I feel. I would imagine I feel like people do when they get out of prison. A different kind of prison but a prison. I can live now. There aren’t boundaries to stop my activities. However, in my mind, there are still some boundaries. Can I do this? Can I do that? Yes, I can do anything I want to! It’s a feeling I am not used to right now. I don’t want this to be parole. I don’t want to ever go back to that prison.
Why Am I Still Experiencing Side Effects?
I have had a metal taste in my mouth for the past few days. I used to get it after chemo so I have been thinking that my mind is playing tricks on me. A psychosomatic response to not having chemo. Similar to phantom pains people get after having limbs amputated. It makes me feel like I am a little crazy. I spoke to Debbie, the research nurse today about something else and mentioned the metal taste. She said it’s from the Cisplatin and very reasonable that I am having it. I’m not crazy. Yes!! She wasn’t sure how long the Cisplatin stays in my body so I might have it for a while. It’s gross. Gum really helps.
I Won’t Give The cancer An Opportunity To Rally
The other thing I was thinking about is that it is a reality that the cancer could come back. I will live the rest of my life with that thought. It will not run my life but I may be more concerned when I have aches or pains or lumps or bumps. I think I will feel like I am being dramatic but I think I have earned the right to worry about the cancer coming back if something doesn’t seem right. Just like when I was first diagnosed, I chose to deal with this head on, with laughter and as little stress and worry as possible. That is how I will deal with my ongoing health in the future. Seriously, but as lightly as I possibly can. If I worry, cancer wins and has the opportunity to grow. I won’t give it the power to do so.
God Bless and I couldn't be happier for you. I'm a 3 time cancer survivor and a current cancer patient. Don't ever worry about being dramatic, or overly concerned. It's your body and you know it better than anyone else. Enjoy every minute of your freedom!
I recently started my own blog of my journey over the past ,…..years! If you have an interest, it's http://wwwremission-recurrence-resilience.blogspot.com/. In the meantime, have a wonderful life!!!