A Week After Hearing The cancer Is Gone

by | Mar 21, 2012 | Cervical cancer, First recurrence 2011, Recurrent cervical cancer, Survivorship | 1 comment

It’s almost been a week since I got the news that the cancer is gone.  I’ve had a good week but it has been a lot to process.  I mentioned in my last blog entry that it’s strange to have cancer one day and not the next.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great feeling.

 

A Whole New Kind Of Tired

I have been very tired for the past week.  I think my body is on vacation.  Normally I would have been in bed for this whole week but I have been able to be active and normal-ish.  Maybe my body was so in tune to the 3-week cycle and now is trying to get that third week of rest.

 

I’ve Been Released From cancer Prison

While driving yesterday I was thinking about how I feel.  I would imagine I feel like people do when they get out of prison. A different kind of prison but a prison. I can live now.  There aren’t boundaries to stop my activities.  However, in my mind, there are still some boundaries.  Can I do this? Can I do that?  Yes, I can do anything I want to!  It’s a feeling I am not used to right now. I don’t want this to be parole. I don’t want to ever go back to that prison.

 

Why Am I Still Experiencing Side Effects?

I have had a metal taste in my mouth for the past few days.  I used to get it after chemo so I have been thinking that my mind is playing tricks on me.  A psychosomatic response to not having chemo.  Similar to phantom pains people get after having limbs amputated.  It makes me feel like I am a little crazy.  I spoke to Debbie, the research nurse today about something else and mentioned the metal taste.  She said it’s from the Cisplatin and very reasonable that I am having it.  I’m not crazy.  Yes!! She wasn’t sure how long the Cisplatin stays in my body so I might have it for a while.  It’s gross.  Gum really helps.

 

I Won’t Give The cancer An Opportunity To Rally

The other thing I was thinking about is that it is a reality that the cancer could come back. I will live the rest of my life with that thought.   It will not run my life but I may be more concerned when I have aches or pains or lumps or bumps. I think I will feel like I am being dramatic but I think I have earned the right to worry about the cancer coming back if something doesn’t seem right. Just like when I was first diagnosed, I chose to deal with this head on, with laughter and as little stress and worry as possible.  That is how I will deal with my ongoing health in the future.  Seriously, but as lightly as I possibly can.  If I worry, cancer wins and has the opportunity to grow.  I won’t give it the power to do so.

1 Comment

  1. SouthernOaks

    God Bless and I couldn't be happier for you. I'm a 3 time cancer survivor and a current cancer patient. Don't ever worry about being dramatic, or overly concerned. It's your body and you know it better than anyone else. Enjoy every minute of your freedom!
    I recently started my own blog of my journey over the past ,…..years! If you have an interest, it's http://wwwremission-recurrence-resilience.blogspot.com/. In the meantime, have a wonderful life!!!

    Reply

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