The Interesting Symptom That Led to My cancer Diagnosis

 

I’m not sure where or how to begin to write about the journey that is beginning in my life.  A friend suggested I create a blog. I’ll start with the history and fill in the feelings as I go. About 2 weeks ago  (July 11, 2011)  I found a swollen lymph node on my neck. Around my collar bone.  After consulting with my best friend and worst enemy, the internet, I decided I should have a doctor look at it.

As a cancer survivor, I am both crazed when I find abnormal things on my body as well as cautious that the doctors will think I’m a crazy person for thinking everything is cancer. I think it’s a natural thought for anyone who has had cancer in the past. My primary care doctor asked the usual questions relative to swollen lymph nodes. Fevers? Sore throat? And then the next question that tells you what they are thinking “So you had thyroid cancer in 2002?”. There it is, validation that I’m not totally crazy and the internet may be right. After checking me out I asked if I were his sister what would he recommend. His answer – have a surgeon do a biopsy. I also asked on a scale of 1-10, what should my worry number be. His answer, 4.  

 

The First Biopsy

5 days later I was at the surgeon’s office. A man with a very warm disposition who is very thorough, immediate, and caring. He did an ultrasound and told Sean and me that there are “dozens” of swollen lymph nodes. A frightening phrase that confirmed a little more reason to worry.  After the ultrasound, he did a needle biopsy. That was a Tuesday. My worry number for that day – 5. My follow up appt was scheduled for Friday. He told us that the results might be inconclusive and if so he will want to do an open biopsy, surgically. So hurry up and wait. 

When Friday came I was hopeful that we would know something. Disappointed to hear him say the result was inconclusive and that surgery was necessary to biopsy the lymph node. Surgery was scheduled for the following Thursday. Hurry up and wait. Stop Googling. At that point, I think that the friends and family who knew had Googled enough and I was either going to die or live. It was a coin toss. I would Google no more – until I knew more.   

 

The Biopsy That Changed My Life 

Off to the hospital on Thursday for the biopsy. Uneventful. The Dr whom I was developing a crush on had told me that that the surgery would be 30-45 minutes. They wheeled me back at about 10:45. When I woke up in the recovery room crying, as I seem to do with anesthesia. I asked the nurse what time it was. Her response, 12:17. I knew at that moment that the news would be news that would require me to be strong and that I had a fight ahead of me. Then the nurse said that the Dr wanted to talk to Sean and me at the same time. Another sign, fight ahead of me. Still groggy, Sean and the Dr came in. The Dr told us they did find cancerous cells and that I needed a PET scan and probably more surgery. He had already talked to Sean in-depth and answered the questions that I had written out before the surgery.

Still tearful and feeling a little sick from the news the nurse helped me get dressed. She said, “How do you feel?”  My response, “Like I was just diagnosed with cancer.”   

 

The Painful Step of Telling Loved Ones

Next came the task of letting our families and friends know. This is the army of people who will support me and our family during this journey. The outpouring of love and support in the past 24 hours has been incredible. We told the boys that I have cancer again. They were both scared and tearful. They climbed in bed with me with a book. That was exactly what the dr ordered.  I felt strong already. I decided that I would attend Book Club that night. It was good for my soul to be with friends so dear to me. In the meantime, I posted on Facebook that I would have a fight ahead of me. Crazy love and support. Again, I felt strong.

 

Uncertainty and cancer

Today I have been lazy but thought I should get out and move. Validated by a friend who encouraged me to keep moving, the boys and I walked to the mailbox and back. I have had thoughts today about “how am I going to do this?” but I think they are more from uncertainty at this point. I don’t know what “this” is. I don’t know what I need to do. I have a Dr appt at MD Anderson in Orlando next Wednesday morning. I hope to have a plan then.